The Spam Awards: Round 2

You’ve got to love spammers.

They’ll try every trick in the book – emails with subject lines like, ‘Here’s that thing we talked about!’, faxes from Nigeria, fake Twitter accounts with real people’s heads – to get you to buy Viagra, visit their site about a secret that will make you money and lose weight or order a faux iPad from China, and all this with practically zero chance of success. You have to admire their determination.

What I really love though are blog comment spammers. They just crack me up.They run a chunk of their native language through an internet translation program, attach a link to some penis enlargement product and try to get it past WordPress’ spam filters, which luckily is like trying to get past US Immigration in Shannon Airport without a return flight.

Still, their adventures in English amuse me. (Was it Everything is Illuminated in which the narrator had learned English from a thesaurus? Because that cracked me up too, and this kind of reminds me of it.) A few months back I posted my own Spam Awards, listed the Top 5 chunks of spam as caught in the nets of my Akismet spam blocker here on Catherine, Caffeinated. Since then I’ve been keeping an eye out for more spamtastic gems and boy, I wasn’t disappointed.

Me, The Accidental Good Samaritan:

“I have to express some appreciation to the writer just for bailing me out of this particular situation. As a result of searching through the search engines and coming across concepts which were not helpful, I believed my entire life was over. Existing devoid of the approaches to the issues you’ve resolved by means of your post is a crucial case, as well as the ones which might have in a negative way damaged my career if I hadn’t noticed your blog. The training and kindness in playing with a lot of stuff was very helpful. I’m not sure what I would’ve done if I hadn’t come across such a step like this. I am able to at this time look ahead to my future. Thank you very much for your impressive and sensible help. I won’t be reluctant to suggest your web page to anyone who wants and needs guidance about this situation.”

(The best thing about this one is that it was left on my “About Me” page. HA!) 

Wondering The Same Thing Myself

“Do you guys think that there will be a dubstep stage at Electric Daisy Carnival: Las Vegas? I hope there are.”

Actually, I AM Your Cousin

“I was recommended this blog by my cousin. I am not sure whether this post is written by him as no one else know such detailed about my trouble. You are wonderful! Thanks!”

Tell Gloria She’s Welcome

“I am also commenting to make you be aware of of the perfect encounter our girl enjoyed studying your webblog. She figured out numerous pieces, not to mention what it’s like to possess a marvelous helping mood to let many more with ease master some tortuous subject matter. You actually surpassed visitors’ desires. Thank you for showing such warm and friendly, dependable, edifying not to mention cool guidance on that topic to Gloria.”

The Backhanded Compliment

“I have not checked in here for a while since I thought it was getting boring, but the last several posts are great quality so I guess I will add you back to my everyday bloglist. You deserve it my friend.”

The Backhanded Insult

“Hey, you used to write excellent, but the last few posts have been kinda boring… I miss your super writings. Past few posts are just a little bit out of track! come on!”

(from “Algerian Love Chain Necklace”)

Um… Are You Sure About That?

“Yeast infection for you! it the best thing that can happen to you.”

And Everything Else… Which Collectively Could be Called: Come Again?

“Significantly, this record was in actuality the single finest with which laudable branch matter. To be sure together with your data and can de facto eagerly enjoy ones future revisions. Stating appreciate it won’t merely always be satisfactory, for your astonishing clearness with your producing.”

“You completed a number of good points there. I did a hunt on the theme and found in general persons will consent with your blog. I am not beyond doubt superb with English but I line up this real easygoing to read.”

“I wanted to put you the tiny observation to give thanks yet again considering the pretty pointers you’ve featured in this case. This is quite strangely open-handed with you in giving unreservedly all that some people would have distributed for an ebook to help make some bucks for themselves, principally given that you might have tried it in the event you decided. The solutions as well worked to become good way to understand that most people have similar keenness just like my very own to know a little more in regard to this issue. I think there are millions of more enjoyable moments ahead for individuals that see your site.”

(I like this because it was left by “Fatty Liver.”)

“Magnificent beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your site, how could i subscribe for a blog site? The account aided me a acceptable deal. I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright clear idea.”

“You really make it seem so easy together with your presentation but I find this topic to be actually one thing that I feel I might by no means understand. It seems too complicated and very large for me. I’m having a look ahead in your next put up, I will try to get the cling of it!”

“An attention-grabbing discussion is worth comment. I believe that you should write extra on this matter, it might not be a taboo topic but usually people are not sufficient to talk on such topics. To the next. Cheers.”

“Sup there, knowledge as blog! I’ve become studying your web log for several days presently and i am genuinely loving it then. I actually observed a few questions concerning your website still. Do you consider it may well be probable for me to produce contact with you additional to debate this task? In all probability set up a conversation on email or even a a right away messanging agenda? If not, say thanks well and I am attending pursue to take a look at and state.”

“Simply mandatory claim I really admire your operate on this blog web site web site plus the highest top quality blogposts you re making. These type of post are generally precisely what helps me personally departing via the day time. I discovered this text right after an excellent colleague for my own mentioned this to me. I do many blogging myself personally and I’m continuously fortunate to inspect out others offering top rated high quality info about area. I will undoubtedly become following and have bookmarked your web web page to my personal bebo specify others to go to.”

To which I can only say…  exactly!

Posted in: Uncategorized

10 thoughts on “The Spam Awards: Round 2

  1. Andrea "The American Roommate" says:

    “I will try to get the cling of it!”

    Haha, my new favorite saying…I’m going to find a way to use this today. Look out, world!

  2. Catana says:

    I’m almost jealous. Maybe you should keep some of those translations in case you ever want to write a book with a character who doesn’t speak English very well.

  3. Christopher Wills says:

    Fascinating. I never knew spam comments existed until I read your posts on the subject. I believe I have even got one now. I recently got a smart phone so I tried a test blog post from my phone. I got a garbled comment that clearly indicates the ‘person’ who sent it had never read my one sentence post marvelling at technology.

    • catherineryanhoward says:

      Well luckily for me Word Press catches them all and puts them straight into a spam folder, but I have a read of it every now and then because you’ll always find gems like this. I don’t know why they bother because they are so clearly spam we’re never going to click on the link but at least they’re amusing, I suppose!

  4. Christy says:

    I posted an email spam recently that came from “Your McDonalds” and offered a coupon for the holiday of free food. Something like “we are pleased to offer you a tasty dish of Free Day!” It was pretty good 😉

  5. Tahir says:

    Hey, some more compilations like this could be your next book, I’d buy it! My favorite from a foreign friend of mine (well aren’t we all foreign to somebody): “Since you left I am boring.” Bless him.

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